lovestruckbabii's blog

made for each other or just another joke. theres more to me then he can see.and i cant keep letting him down. i know he loves me, and hes the only one for me, wish we could get out of here, go some where that wont brake us down, cause theres a world out there for us and no one can hurt us anymore. i love you, cant you see, it was ment to be. and we need some time alone before we have to go home. our love is the kind thats shown and its not perfect, but its perfect enough for us to love each other.right now im trusting you with my heart, plz dont let it brake, plz dont let it bleed. and i'll keep yours close to me. your my babii.your my happii ending. just know i need you here, need you to be near me right now, and no matter what i do i will always carry you in my heart. you'll always be my shooting star. the days will fade away, but the memories of you will always stay the same, i hope you will stay the same, your the thing that keeps my heart tame.and all my broken promises i made will fade but i wont forget, my heart wont let me. cause i love you, i need you. and you make it hard to smile cause i cant breathe. cant you see what your love does to me.i think im going crazy. i think im in love. are we made for each other, is this true love. i think so. cause i know that your me babii. and i love you.......

You get sick with desire for what doesn't exist
Guess talk is really cheap
It's easy to see
There's no reason to make a fuss
'Cause there's not much you can do for people like us
Sweat is poison
And skin's a disease
Not much you can do in times like these
So easy to cut away ties and break any bonds
And burn all your bridges
With the snap of a finger
Try as you may, it's fairly safe to say
We linger 'til we fade away
No point in speaking if everyone's deaf
And everyone lingers 'til nobody's left
So there's no one to miss
Not much you can say at a moment like this
Keep the lights off 'til you clean up your mess
Hides the bones, swallow keys and try to look your best
Put on that face they've come to love
And recite your propaganda
"Chasing dreams is silly, little girl
You're better off chasing me."
Erase any memories of what you used to be-
It does no good to reminisce during dead days like these
I'm tired of the thought,
But not creative enough to think something new
Ought to run away and and change your name
To something like Annie or Kelly or Samantha or Jane
Dye your hair brown and blend in with the crowd
Far away from the place they said was your home
Looks like everyone lingered, so one's left to blame
Can't blame mommy or daddy or God or fate
Or that girl down the street or your friends or your soul mate
You drive yourself insane looking for someone to take responsibility
You drag it on for years 'til you check our reflection
And realize there's no one to blame but me.

They say when words fail, music speaks
I try to no avail-
I've been silent for weeks
My cheeks are still red
And I still feel cold
Not sure I'm okay,
But she assures me I'm fine
She probably knows better anyway

They taught me a long time ago to
stick to my own kind
"If you wander too far from home, God knows what you'll find"

Rain, rain, go away
Dripping on my thoughts and the words smudge away
Come again another day
I'll be long gone by then

I'm running as far away
As you can get on ten bucks and some childhood fears
They're asking questions again,
But I've been silent for years

Between the alcohol and sweat
And all I hide under my bed
And all my tearing seams
And all that's running through my head
I've tried time and time again
(At least I think I have)
And there's just no way that you can win
Between the threats and the repressed wet dreams
They'll let you know where you should be

You can stay in a lovely gated community
With comfortable weather
And plenty of money to buy shit they made you think you need,
like a cliche dream you saw on TV
Try to escape and there's some culture shock
Gotta turn back your clocks, cock your gun and forget
Everything they said was true and everyone who didn't make it

"Welcome to the real world,
We'll take good care of you here"
"But I'm a good girl"
"Sure you are, dear"

We escaped our captivity to live in a "freedom" that
does the same damn thing
Adapt to your new environment that says you kill to survive
But you're trapped in the past if you're still alive

I think I've found my stones and sticks
It's not abuse- it's politics
Three times the homes
With half the bricks
So they'll have a place for all the "sick"

I'll give every excuse you'll take
And when you shiver, my world shakes
Don't blame me, blame the rain
Don't hate the pawn, hate the game.

Sinking in a sea of ampersands as you play me pretty tunes
Remind me why I tried to swim and what we tried to do
It's not often that I go sailing
In these seas of me and you
For good reason, it seems,
As I swallow the water and I swallow my pride
And I'm beginning to wonder what things look like when you die
Staring up from the floor of my bathwater sea
Trying to see what it looks like to be alive
The water floods my lungs
You're tying my tongue
I think I must be choking on those songs you always sung
On the words we always said
On the things I should have done
I force out emotions through kisses and touch
'Til I'm glued to you helplessly
I need you completely
I can make you my crutch
When I stumble across this rough path that I've chosen
I wade a little longer in my stagnant ocean
Wait a little longer in my bed
Hoping to push memories out of my head and between the lines
Because I choked on every word I was fed
And neither of us seems to mind

I loved you in spite of the evidence
Because you told me that it was irrelevant
What does it matter that you can't even hear me?
I loved you when nothing made any sense
You led me to believe that chaos meant we were free
But I stood gagged and bound until I could see
It feels awfully nice to be needed
Even when things are all skewed and conceited
So easy to become so careless
When someone pretends to care
You told me you'd lead me and guide me and need me
And I wouldn't always like it- but love isn't always fair
No, love is give and take:
I give my all, you take the money and run
Love just feels so fake
Maybe it's just that this was one-sided
Half of me was ready to run, but I wouldn't let her
They warned me about this, but I knew better
But there I was, staring my fears and my dreams in the eye
It feels good to be scared, I'm not gonna lie
If you want my attention, you have it
But trust me, I'll wander around out of habit"
I catch you drinking
I catch myself thinking
There must be some link to some things from my past
I need someone to blame and I need someone fast
Because they're beginning to question me
They're starting to ask
Why I have to act like this
And how long I expect it to last
He takes me and shakes me and says that he'll make me
The happiest I could ever hope to be
He knew all about me
Told me
"We're happening with or without you
Really, right now, I'm beginning to doubt that you care at all
Come on sweetie, bow
Your past is right now
You're far too frail to know what to do here
You don't know how love works-
You're obviously new here
Just hand me the wheel and let me make the rules"
I was told things would run smoothly, if I could just be the fuel
The oil that keeps the rusty cogs turning in this weak clockwork heart of his
I'd keep going and going and seeing and knowing and still never learning just who I am in this
I'd say
"If you're wanting control, then just grab it
But I'll have to warn you, my skin splits out of habit
Do all you ant to stop it,
But you're wasting your energy on people like me"
"Quite the contrary, my darling" he'd tell me
I was the most worthy object he'd seen in minutes
"Those pins and those staples that hold you together-
They're so very beautiful
I'll add some tape here and there and we'll live off of needles
You'll be so happy with me always there
You say no one's ever loved you?
Let me show you what it's how"
And I've let him dilute every moment 'til now
Look darling, see what the child has become?
The helpless girl you adopted
The impressionable mind you molded and told lies to
Cried to
Tried to destroy
In the most romantic way she could imagine
"We'd be like Romeo and Juliet
They could write about us, too
I'd kill for you
I'd die for you
I'd sacrifice your life for you"
You almost had me there
But I'm not gonna live for you